Lo Siento

I'm sorry I didn't post the second I got home, which was yesterday circa 4pm. After driving cross-country 6 days and 3,434 miles, I was and still am extremely exhausted. The fantastic news is that Bob, Matt, and I made it home safely. What's incredible is that we didn't bicker or fight the entire duration of the road trip. I suppose it's because Bob is one of the most agreeable people ever, but it was still a very pleasant surprise.

I will tell you that Topeka, KS, is pretty much the worst fucking place ever. If I learned one thing on our trip, it was that. We drove from Chicago through St. Louis and on to Kansas City and decided to go a little way beyond that, which landed us in Topeka, the capital city, mind you, of Kansas. Now, aren't capital cities supposed to be...ummm...nice? I mean, up until now, I had thought that for the most part. Topeka was seriously the pits, though. (Ewww, did I just say "the pits"?) When we got into Topeka around 9:15pm, we were all starving, so we drove around to find some place to grab a bite to eat. Too bad Topeka consists of a Walgreen's (which was closed) and a fucking luggage store. Plus a gas station or two and three hotels - two of which are Ramada Inns. Guess where we stayed. Yep, we crashed at a Ramada Inn but not before grabbing a drink at the hotel's bar, which was the only place open in all of Topeka. There we encountered the most cracked-out bartender on the face of the planet. As Bob said, "We knew something had to be wrong with her when she kept calling me 'Honey'." Oh, that Bob is one character. I really can't imagine a better person to travel across the country with now that all is said and done. He's done the trip a dozen times (at least) himself, and he's just a good sport in general and a really interesting person to talk to. When we were in Kentucky, visiting Bob's family, he found some of his old high school yearbooks; looking through them clearly provided us endless entertainment. As did Bob's youngest grandson, Max. Max is 3, and he is a troublemaker for sure, which is why Matt and I immediately fell in love with him. The last time I saw him was a couple years ago, when he was just a baby, and since babies are gross, I wasn't able to enjoy his company until this time around. And believe you me, I did.

Hmmm...what else to say...? You see, the problem I fear is that so many of the funny, curious things that happened on the trip will sound totally uninteresting in the translation. For example, at one point during our time in Kentucky, Bob called Max a Mad Man. To this, Max vehemently replied, "Not Mad Man, Mad Max!" See, that sounds totally stupid, right? After reading that, you almost certainly thought, "Guess you had to be there." Sheesh. Perhaps once I upload pictures from the trip for your viewing pleasure (and I promise to do that in the next day or so) that will help jog my memory and get the story-telling juices flowing. (OMG, what is my problem. I never say, "get the juices flowing" let alone "get the story-telling juices flowing." It's been a long day...)

Okay, I think that is it. For now at least. I'm going to bed at a pitiful 10:25pm. I did wake up at 6:30 this morning, though, and I also have to take my dad to the VA Hospital tomorrow in the LBC so he can have his cast removed and maybe, finally get out of his effing wheelchair. Poor guy. Then I'm hoping to do some work on finding a summer job, which could very well extend into the fall (the job, that is, not the job search). Man, about that. I've been home less than 36 hours, and I'm already realizing how painful this is going to be. It doesn't have to be at all, but there are just certain people (namely my mom, who is actually quite wonderful when she's not being totally impossible) who put a damper on things every now and then that make living at home totally unbearable. Meh, it'll work out. Hopefully...

Lastly, I would just like to announce for the billionth time that I miss Allison and Angela and Alex and Camaren and Casey and Poofs so much. I wish we could all just live in a giant mansion together for the rest of our lives. That would pretty much be the best thing ever.
Seriously. Bed. Time. Now. Nitey nite, ladies and gents and anyone who doesn't identify with the former or the latter. ;)

PS. Don't tell my mom that I said she can be pretty difficult at times. She already knows that, but I doubt she'd be thrilled about me publishing it on the information highway. (Information highway?!?!)

PPS. Something that dawned on me while we were driving through Pennsylvania is the following: What the fuck is a practical joke? How is a joke practical? And why don't people ever talk about impractical jokes? It's not all that important, I suppose, but it's mildly bothersome, no? Hit me up with your thoughts about this if you have any. Okay, pace.